The photo above is from a session back in December. Domina Irene Boss visited Chicago and one of my regulars decided to take the plunge to see both of us. Bondage and CBT were the themes of that particular session. We tied him up, pierced his balls, and hooked him up to multiple electrical boxes. The piercings we did as well as his more permanent piercings were fair game for shocks and vibrations. I remember making sure he waited in the car for a bit to come down before we went to have sushi together. From the photo it is obvious I am having a blast! The energy exchanged was truly something I will never forget.

So, why bring this up now? Well, my previous post included a piercing video that included electricity as well. I thoroughly love CBT! Over the next few weeks I'm going to highlight in this blog specifically why I love the activities I include in my videos.

CBT can cover so much ground. Whether it's punching, kicking, slapping, piercing, using electricity, crushers, weights, scratching and more I enjoy it all. So, I love this activity because it can be so diverse and incorporate just about anything. I can do a multiple hour session using just my hands and feet. I can find things from seemingly "vanilla" stores to use in sessions. Yes, my meat pounder and electric toothbrush have come out on a few occasions. (Of course the electric toothbrush is only used for CBT and not ever in my mouth!) To some, the tightest CBB is the end all and be all...though I think it's an excellent beginning.

CBT can be used for control. The first thing which comes to mind is chastity and the great pains some of my subjects have endured during longer sentences. Chastity in and of itself can have volumes written on it, but I will describe some of the pains my submissives have reported. One of my charges was locked in a Ms. Lori's Tube. If you're not familiar, this device requires a genital piercing. The device incorporates the piercing to firmly hold you in. Any stirrings are quite painful. This reminded my charge of his place and who had control over him...constantly. Of course there is also the release part. Having another charge utilize Biofreeze as lubricant for his release was a shock to him. He could not release and therefore was put back into chastity. In this case he had the psychological torment of not being able to release as well as the physical anguish. He was a begging and pleading mess that promised nearly anything in exchange for his sentence to be ended. Control the orgasm...control the man.

CBT can be used to feminize. Now this is something I hope to experiment with more. I want nothing more than to suture a male's bits to make them look like a pussy. Repeated kicks to the balls have also been followed by a certain explanation and question. "Many women have to endure almost a week each month of harsh cramping. You want to be more feminine, don't you? Then endure!" The ritual of piercing followed by bleeding can also be a male's "menstruation".

Besides suturing, I hope to add more electrical devices to my collection. The Eros Tek 312 is currently on my wishlist. I have played with other Dominas who have this device and can't wait to have my own! I have a particular male in mind who I'd love to introduce the concept of forced orgasms. Stay tuned to my store for more CBT videos!

I will write a more detailed post about my traveling tales later, but there's something that's been on my mind for some time now. It's on the topic of clients and fulfilling your pervy desires no matter what the cost. There have been a number of things I've been approached with lately that I don't think are sane. One person in particular wants to session despite the inherent health risks.

My reasons for posting this are two fold. First, I want to bring attention to various situations and the risk-especially when not playing with an ethical and health aware Dom. Second, I want to discuss the ethics of receiving and requiring a deposit.

So, I've been asked to shove many unsanitary things up men's asses, do various types of play that would cause permanent harm to genitalia, and many other things. I have to ask myself, "do they know the risks? Is it my responsibility to point out what could go wrong?" Most of the time I would say, "yes"! I have pointed out the risks of permanent harm, but have been met with, "well so and so will do it in the suburbs..." Despite being met with opposition, I still feel it's necessary to point out risky behavior. I want people to live and play another day!

What I want to bring attention to is playing while having degenerative discs. If they are in the cervical area, sneezing could be a risky activity. Why would I want to whip or flog you if jerking the wrong way could paralyze you? If you're already having excruciating pain that's not being treated in your lower back and numbness due to this, why would I want to risk causing you more harm? Playing is NOT WORTH THE RISK. I don't care when your last session was. Go to a doctor. Go to a physical therapist. Seek medical attention. If you have already, follow their instructions and be careful.

The situation I'm speaking of was where a client decided to give me a deposit for a session. I had been responding to emails every day for weeks regarding this session. We met in public and we are definitely a good match to play! I had a lot of fun during our negotiations. I received the deposit and our session time came up quickly. Unfortunately, a few days before the session the client started having tingling and numbness in his arm that wouldn't go away. He finally went to a doctor and the degenerative discs were discovered. I kept in contact with him, but didn't receive a response as to the location of the discs in question right away. I let it be known that I would not risk his safety by sessioning at this time. I mentioned I would hold onto the deposit for another month considering the time span I've held onto it already...plus the email communication I've been keeping up. Today I received a lovely email telling me how I'm not understanding and am not honest. What is dishonest about holding onto a deposit for nearly three months and keeping in constant email communication? What is dishonest and not understanding regarding caring for a client's health?

As Doms we're constantly having to draw lines with our business. Yes, this is a business. My line is drawn at playing while risking paralyzing someone. The endorphin high is not worth the rest of a life in a wheelchair.

I received kaedo's first assignment the other day. I told him to write about what it means to be a pet. His essay was concise, descriptive, and personal. Enjoy!

What It Means to Me to Be a Pet

Being a pet is an honor that few people can understand and even fewer can experience. It is a feeling of belonging, of holding a certain place in someone’s heart and having a place to be, at the feet of a caring owner. It is a privilege, to be chosen for your strengths and be accepted for your weaknesses by someone who will help you push those strengths further and grow past those weaknesses. It is a gift, not to be squandered but to be cherished. It is an opportunity, to discover more about your chosen lifestyle and about yourself. It is a chance to better oneself through devotion and servitude.

Above all else, being a pet is a responsibility. A responsibility to present yourself in a way that honors your owner and flatters her. A responsibility to fulfill her wishes and carry out her orders precisely, and to accept the consequences of failure. A responsibility to learn and grow in ways that please your owner. A responsibility to give back, by supporting and encouraging your owner in all of her endeavours in every way possible. A responsibility to be the best pet, and the best person, you can possibly be.

Being a pet means a lot to me. It is so much more than being just a painslut, just a bottom, just a submissive as I have been in the past. It is those things and all that I have mentioned above: the honor, the belonging, the privilege, the gift, the opportunity, the responsibility. It is not something I will ever take lightly, or take for granted. Thank you, Domina, from the bottom of my heart, for making me your pet.

So...I've contemplated vocalizing my frustrations regarding this topic. It's time...

As many of you know I've made countless announcements regarding the launch of Violent Art Productions and its updates. My partner, Scarlett DeVille and I work very hard to put all the details together for each production. The video slaves we work with are dedicated. They have come in for professional sessions for a period of time and/or continue to do so, often purchase clips, are pleasant to be around, and possess certain skills that make exciting and hot FemDom action!

What continues to happen are requests to be video slaves. First, has the person in question ever purchased a clip from our store? Why say you're impressed with our store when you've never purchased a clip to accurately assess what you'd be getting yourself into and are complimenting? There are ways for us to check whether or not you've made a purchase. Why would we want to dedicate time on figuring out compatibility with you and potentially waste a whole shooting day if you're not willing to make a small investment? That brings me to my second point...

Second, if we've never sessioned with you, how would we know that you could withstand the types of play we want to shoot? How would we know you'd be pleasant to be around and we'd want to spend that much time with you? Each shoot is a multi-hour affair. It is not like a professional session. I think as soon as Pro Dominas announce and launch video companies, male "subs" seemingly come out of the woodwork offering their "skills" as video slaves hoping to get free sessions.

Lastly, tying in all my points is the expense of doing well thought out and quality productions. There is upkeep of various spaces, equipment, and costs for outfits, toys, and on and on! I think it's insulting to never make a clip purchase, have never come in for a professional session(ideally many and for multiple hours) to be assessed, and "offer" your "skills" as a "video slave". In general, you're not looking to be helpful, you're looking for a free session and to be around Dominas for multiple hours.

To our current stable of video slaves: I continue to cherish your dedication, time, energy, wit, and often jokes that lead to delightfully devious scenarios. You have been chosen to be part of our stable because of your skills and personalities.

As December passes by I've been very reflective about what has changed and what will be. During my usual flurry of activity I feel it's important to take a step back to reflect before taking certain steps forward. This month is perfect for this as the new year is fast approaching!

A lot has changed this past year! I've made a conscious decision to grow. This has meant revisiting certain activities and interests that have challenged me in the past. While joining SS-Triple-X I've revisited my needle fetish from the opposite side of the bevel. Doing pain performances with my Sisters in the troupe has been-and continues to be-extraordinarily rewarding on so many levels. Two of the Ladies in the troupe, Scarlett DeVille and Candyxxx, are fellow Pro Dominas I work with on a regular basis. We've exchanged and shared ideas on kink and I've learned a great deal from both of them. I've also overcome my anxieties of having my feet touched and worshiped by getting professional massage, acupuncture, and instructing well-behaved slaves on how to properly treat my feet. I'm happy to announce I will now be adding foot fetish sessions to my repertoire!

The desire to be in charge of my website has always been strong. I've wanted to learn how to code, but in the past have relied on a web developer to maintain my site. This past year I've had many struggles with my site and server getting hacked into. Unfortunately, my site is currently down, but I am making strides to learn and ultimately rebuild natalyasadici.com. My silence on this blog and on forums is not due to me retiring! It has been due to taking a step back to learn, experiment with new methods, and come back with new strength and vitality.

As mentioned a bit in my first point, I am working with a new group of Ladies. Mz Candyxxx, Mistress Scarlett DeVille(formerly Mistress Elizabeth Poole), and I have formed a collective. We're all available for sessions together, separately, and various combinations of double Domina sessions. Like me they are all working on new websites. Mistress Scarlett and I have been adhering to a demanding weekly shooting schedule. We've been shooting both photos and videos and will launch a new and exciting endeavor at the new year! I don't want to give too much away, but more announcements will be made as everything is released to the public.

I am a firm believer of whatever energy you put out to the Universe is what will come back to you. My energy is best spent on those who desire to explore FemDom, kink, and fetishes. My energy is NOT best spent on those who are manipulative, can't make up their minds, are time wasters, wankers, and those that can't keep promises. While I am fair, I am strict. I've recently done a "clean house" of sorts to evaluate where my energy has been going. Nurturing my positive relationships has been top priority. If you'd like to go on a journey of growth, exploration, and increased awareness, then we'll get along well! My goals have been set and I'm ready to move forward.

In general, I'm pleased to have key people in my life, an ability to scratch various creative itches, and to constantly learn and challenge myself.

Lately, there's been this trend of people asking the following question,
"what exactly can I expect in a session with you?"
Perhaps it's the current economic climate we live in that makes new
clients ask this question. I understand the desire for knowing
whether or not clients will be compatible with a Domina when
putting together the tribute to session. However, I think this
question can be answered by doing a bit of research. Looking at everything on a Domina's website,
reading her posting style on various Pro Domina forums, and seeing if
there are any reviews from other slaves are all ways to DO YOUR RESEARCH.

...but wondering what "exactly" will happen? What happened to the
excitement of NOT knowing precisely what you're getting into? What
happened to the allure of the hidden? What happened to planning
ahead so you can negotiate and put your trust in your Domina's hands?

When describing my style and what I enjoy most in sessions I use the
following phrase, "sensory deprivation vs. sensory overload". It's
enough information yet it can send the mind into so many different
places! Most think of sensory deprivation in the strictest
sense-blindfolds, hoods, gags, etc. Sensory deprivation can also
incorporate aspects of denial. Think of the foot fetishist that
wants nothing more than to smell the sweet aroma of her/his
Goddess's perfectly arched size 9s. Being denied, or deprived,
of this pleasure falls in line with "sensory deprivation". On the
other hand, sensory overload is anything used to overwhelm you. I
don't have to hook you up to four different electrical boxes to send
you off into subspace-though the thought is quite titillating! Sensory
overload could include using ice, tiger balm, and a feather on strategic
areas of your body all at once.

In general, sensory deprivation and sensory overload can be very personalized.
What are my captive's interests, fetishes, and fears? How can I use this
information to jet propel my specimen into a different mental space?
I enjoy getting as much information as I can to aid in a person's pervy journey.

Due to unforeseen reasons, csj has to be let out of chastity. I'm very unhappy about this, but I have a feeling he'll come crawling back at some point. Despite my unhappiness he's been a fun test subject.

Speaking of chastity, I'd like to discuss behavior modification-both its importance to me, and how it can be incorporated into personal training or regular sessions. I've listed behavior modification as one of my main interests on my website. Why? Because D/s and BDSM can explore very deep parts of the psyche. Emotions, long repressed experiences, and new desires can all come to the forefront during play. Seeing the changes in my play partners through time has been one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences I've had. In general, I like to see our pervy adventures-no matter how intense, humiliating, or otherwise-open the person up and result in a more balanced person/pet. That's the Libra in me! Always craving balance!

Behavior modification can be something I want to change in a person, or the person desires to change in her/himself. Though I enjoy shaping male-like specimens into creatures and pets of my own design, I find it extremely interesting when a person comes to me with specific goals.

A few years ago a man called the dungeon and stated he wanted a "behavior modification session". At the time I was a new Mistress and thought he'd want to learn certain slave positions-just basic things. Given the fact it was a one hour session, I didn't think we would accomplish much. I figured he wanted the role play of being a long time slave and so forth. When we were able to talk I realized he wanted to come in regularly. His goal was to become more attentive to his wife. What better person to go to than a whip and paddle wielding dominatrix, he thought. We had a thorough conversation about his circumstances, I asked him questions about his wife, and we set to developing certain habits. Each time he came in, he'd have to discuss how things were going, if his wife vocalized annoyance with his behavior, etc. Depending on how he was doing, I'd pick a light flogger, paddle, cane, or signal whip to dish out his corrections. Eventually, his wife would book sessions for him. Though I never met her in person, she seemed thoroughly pleased and excited about how things were going.

Though I liked our arrangement, some people need more day to day discipline and motivation-especially if you're training someone who lives far away or can't see you as often. This is where I like to bring chastity into the equation. The sexual energy most males release on a regular basis gets backed up, they become agitated at first, then they look for things to do or accomplish. When you hold the key to the device, your influence is extremely powerful. There comes a period of time when the focus is on the key holder. The captive starts to have thoughts like: what can I do to please my Mistress? Would she like a massage at a spa today, her car washed, a lovely orchid plant? Eventually there is an acceptance of the situation.(chastity in and of itself will be a whole other post!) This is where the captive is most malleable and can accomplish a great deal. The sexual frantic energy coupled with acceptance of the situation is a lovely combination. If something isn't accomplished by a certain period of time, the easiest way to punish is to add more time to the chastity sentence.

For those that are more cerebral-i.e. not ruled by his genitals-behavior modification becomes more complex. You really have to dive inside your slave's head, find out what makes it tick, and figure out clever ways to punish and reward. Chastity doesn't often have the intense impact on these individuals. I've noticed more subtle means have a dramatic effect once you really know who you're working with. A phrase said, a scent, type of music, and more could be just the right thing.

In any behavior modification situation think of the following: Does this person want to change his behavior because it's what YOU want and would make YOU happy? Or is he deeply desiring the change himself? Perhaps both parties see merit in the change. Are you the gentle guide to change? Or are you enacting strict punishment at every turn? What exactly are acceptable punishments and rewards given the circumstances? Are you doing subtle behavior modification on the sly without letting your slave know your intentions? All of this must be thought about.

The key to any goal oriented modification is to set REASONABLE time tables. A person can't just drop 30 pounds in a month and be healthy. Trust must also be established. Both parties must be comfortable with the amount of communication, disclosure, honesty, time spent, and activities involved. (By comfort I mean within the realms of risk aware consensual kink.) In the cases of subtle behavior modification-where the slave doesn't know of your intentions-I'm assuming there's a knowledge of boundaries.

I highly recommend writing out your intentions and timetable. It's essential the slave keeps a journal of some sort and either presents it to you, or sends email updates. Google documents is a great way to send journal assignments and alter a time table. There's also online calendars where only certain individuals can see it. You can set your preferences to allow however many people see it while it remains almost non-existent to the rest of online world. Another idea is to have your slave sign up for a voice mail box. This keeps certain messages private, and the Mistress can leave messages of encouragement, admonishment, or update the timetable.

Happy behavior modifying! :)

Professional Domination can be particularly fluid. There isn't one set job description when referring to it. Each Mistress does things differently and has different views on where Professional Domination fits within the lifestyle. As I'm revamping my website, I wanted to include this essay in the, "For Novices" section. It will give everyone who reads it a glimpse into my views, and how I conduct my sessions. As I'm reading through posts on places like Max Fisch, I realize my style is not similar to a majority of Doms.

I will argue that the common thread in Professional Domination is the exchange of money for a somewhat set amount of play time. Even this is fluid! There are times when a Pro Dom enjoys herself so much that she loses track of time, or there's an "extended session rate". Due to the need for breaks a specific amount of play time over a couple of days is not negotiated.

Why do I think my style is different? For one, I have lengthier negotiations. Some argue this kills the lovely spontaneity of play time. There's something to be said about saying over the phone, "I'm into corporal and heavy bondage," and then sussing out limits upon arrival at the play space. Perhaps it's the throwing yourself at a Mistress's mercy that appeals to some. I, on the other hand, think this is irresponsible. Having worked in a commercial dungeon and having to look at the chicken scratch list of clients interests and boundaries 15 minutes before a session made for some unpleasant encounters. My current negotiations last over a period of a few days to a few months. Why? Because at this stage in my career, I want loyalty. I want all sorts of information that you'll never know when I'll use to your advantage/disadvantage/predicament. I want a deeper level of play time and get my kicks out of the connections that build through time rather than the quick buck I may or may not make. My lengthier negotiations also separate the dick dialers(those who see pretty pictures of Mistresses, call her instantly, and do no research on her) from the true submissives that can afford their kink. You can probably guess by reading this that Professional Domination isn't my only source of income. It was in the past, and I know what I had to put up with in order to make that sort of living. In time, who knows? Maybe I'll build up a larger and extremely loyal stable.

Second, the way I view Professional Domination is different as well. I don't like the attitude that we're in the "service industry". To me, that says the following: I pay you under the illusion of domination. In actuality, I tell you specifically what I want done to me, and if you don't do it how I want you to do it, then either I won't see you again, or I not only won't see you again, but I'll also smear your reputation on public forums. Yes, there is that exchange of money for time, but the reason I have a tribute is so people RESPECT MY TIME. Professional Domination is a business, but it's a business for those who can't openly live a kinky lifestyle, want the security of playing with someone who has honed her craft, and/or has obscure fetishes that the average lifestyle player can't get into or doesn't have the resources to indulge in.

So what is Professional Domination to me? It's something that teeters the line of lifestyle play time, friendship, and business. I dedicate time between sessions to converse-via email or if the person feels inclined to call my niteflirt lines-and discuss changes in boundaries, what worked and what didn't, increases in the amount of service she/he can provide, and more. I also grab coffee, tea, wine, lunch, or dinner on occasion with clients to talk kink, set up a session, or discuss important issues. Though I am generous with my time, I'm also firm with how much time I can give. My sessions take into consideration your interests, but I will do what I want when we play. I will dabble in your interests, but also expose you to other related activities. Your boundaries are always respected.

The other BIG thing that sets me apart from other Mistresses is release. I do not allow physical release, choking the bishop, etc. in my presence! Strangely, I've noticed this is a deal breaker for many guys seeking Pro Dom sessions. There's this attitude of, "since I'm paying, I should be able to jerk off at the end." Hmm...I thought you were paying for a power exchange. If I decide I am not amused in the slightest by guys jerking off in front of me, that's my decision. This "I'm paying" attitude ends up equating Pro Doms with common whores. Professional Domination should not be having to watch guys jerk off all the time. As I've said in another blog, you can jerk off at any time. How often do you get to see a skilled Mistress? You can replay your time with her on your own and jerk off. Holding off on stroking it will make for a much more powerful orgasm anyway! When you go home and jerk it after our session, what you replay in your mind tells me what was most erotic for you during our time together. It's a good gauge on what I can dabble more in later on. So, our time together is the gift that keeps on giving! Ha!

So perhaps, I'm not a Pro Dom for the clients who like to session occasionally and never think about kink until their next session(typically 6 months later). I seek to actively engage people so they can be comfortable with their perversions. So, I'm a Pro Dom for FemDom hedonists that indulge in kink instead of being compulsive...if you're wondering what the difference is, stay tuned. That's another essay for another time.

**this photo was taken of me at the 1901 Gallery

Every few months, I find it important to reflect on what's going on in my life-look at where I've been and where I'm going. As the utterly slow shift from winter to spring occurs, I look inward and prepare for the expansive nature of spring and summer-times when I shift into high gear and try to do everything at once!

So, I ask myself, "why do I play? What is my consistent motivation? What do I want to see in and do with my play partners?"

In this sexually and emotionally repressed society, I think the role I have as a Pro Domina as one of therapist, mentor, confidant, and leader. Through the sessions and scenes I have, our encounters are intense, yet fulfilling. I often have the stance of, "breaking people down, to build them up." This is with regards to my theories on gateways.

No matter where you go, there are cultural and social norms and mores. In America, any sign of a genuine emotion, whether it's showing sadness, grief, insecurity, etc.; is considered a sign of weakness. We thrive on competition, dominance, and efficiency. It's difficult to cry on a train due to the loss of a loved one without feeling shame or embarrassment. So what do we do? We swallow our emotions and go on with our day. We create gateways to separate our emotions and keep ourselves from expressing them. Mores and norms are the padlocks that form to tell us when, how, and to what extent the expression of these emotions is acceptable.

Not opening the padlocks and our gateways can manifest in various ways. You can often tell by a person's posture, tone of voice, places where they carry tension, and the onset of unexplainable ailments that a person is holding onto something.

Remember when we were children and just played? We had fun, but now we have so many responsibilities and stressors! What is D/s and BDSM then? It's the adult form of playing and self expression. We dabble in fantasy, greeting it happily and sometimes fearfully, and get lost in it for a while. Though it's rare, an emotional release can occur.

Now, I haven't read much on this topic. Not much is written on it. I tried to discuss it a bit when I had my web board up. Many males mixed this up with the relief they felt after an orgasm. I mentioned that you'll remember a great orgasm for a few weeks or months at the most, but you'll never forget an emotional release once it occurs.

So, what is it exactly? It's difficult to pinpoint since it varies so wildly from person to person. Here's my best attempt at explaining what occurs. Imagine that while playing, your padlock is unlocked and your gateways disintegrate. There is no way of holding onto what's left inside. Your body is now able to express what was locked up for so long, though it comes out...it comes out in whatever way your body deems appropriate. Say goodbye to cultural norms and mores. Your being is thrusting out, and, in a way, forcing you to deal with all your baggage at once.

Does that sound horrifying? It can be. To be that vulnerable in the presence of either someone you don't know well or that you're very close to. An emotional release can come out as fits of hysteric giggles, crying, smiling from ear to ear, and more. It all depends on what you have going on inside. This is why it's so hard to explain.

What happens during and after this experience makes all the difference in the world. For those who don't know what an emotional release is, they can think either you've gone completely crazy or are being, "a baby". The best thing that can happen is that you play with someone who is aware of this, and can reassure you that you're not alone-that what is going on is ok. It's perfectly ok.

What happens afterward? You may feel euphoric, totally alive, or even drained. Again, this all depends on you.

How does this happen and why? For some, a deep level of trust must be developed in their play partner. For others it's putting themselves in a position of extreme danger. While playing, you are being forced to be completely in the moment-so much that your gateways can't stay closed. The mechanisms of inner locking just won't function. This causes your body to deal with what's being kept inside. There's no, "I wonder what she'll do next", thoughts in your brain. In fact, your brain may not be functioning in quite the way it normally would at all! (I'd like to do a study mapping the brain while an emotional release occurs. I'm curious as to what happens and if some other part of our brains is functioning that never does otherwise.)

This is why I play. This is why I'm a Pro Domina. I open people up to what's possible by breaking down their bad habits and the negative things people hold on to. Though, this will happen only if you're willing to let go. I can only train, but much of this journey is yours. I want to see you be present in every waking moment. I want to hear that you've become a better listener and that you've gotten a promotion in your job as a result. I want to hear that your relationships with others are better and more fulfilling because you are genuinely happy, and that you truly know what that feels like. I want to hear that you've decided to make changes in your life for the better because you're sick of walking through this world like a zombie or a puppet.

While I'm not perfect-and I would never say that I am-I consistently grow through these experiences. Do we have the same goals? Often, people come to me to fulfill fantasies, have fun, relax and escape. They may not realize the other benefits they'll have while continually playing. As Irene Boss says, "don't come to me to feel bad about yourself." There's enough negativity in the world.

Now you know why I'm so selective of who I play with. I'm very protective of my energy. Life is too short to spend with those who don't give a shit about your well being.

**This is an older photo of Salome, me, and danimal. The variation of our expressions always fascinates me.

A few days ago I had dinner with a female play partner. We had the following conversation:
"When people ask me what the kinkiest thing I've ever done is...do you know what I tell them?"

"No, actually, I don't," I ran through our play time history and wondered what she'd say next.

"Mummification. That is by far the weirdest thing I've ever done."

I asked her why she thought that. It interests me when-as kinky people-we think something is weird. Yes, I do admit that seeing heavy rubber bondage and gas masks as a youngster both startled and excited me. Perhaps, certain activities make us feel weird-a word we use when we're not sure how to describe the feeling. In the case with my female play partner, I know it was a situation she never expected to get into.

As far as mummification goes, I have to say it's my biggest kink. My FPP's(female play partner's) question made me think of all the reasons I'm drawn to this activity.

When I wake up in the morning, I'm usually wrapped in a slew of blankets. During my slumber, I subconsciously turn over and over again-in a way mummifying myself for comfort. Although this makes the process of getting out of my soul sucking bed more difficult, I find comfort in being wrapped this way.

Think about it...when we're in utero, we're curled up like a ball and surrounded by supportive fluid. We get all our nutrients, exchange gases, and wastes this way. The placenta is our supportive wrapping in which we grow without hearing judgment, having deadlines, or other responsibilities.

Once we're born, and have to painfully take our first breath, we cry. We're uncomfortable...and what is the first thing nurses do? Teach our mother how to swaddle us-if she doesn't know already. Instead of supportive fluids, we have blankets. As we grow, I believe we find comfort in things that are strangely familiar to us. Mummification taps into this deep unconscious feeling of being supported.

When I switched, I always wanted to be mummified. No matter what else was going on, I found myself slipping into a meditative state. The slight rocking motion that occurred while other things were done to me put me into a deep parasympathetic state. Who knows how much time would pass, but at some point I felt weightless-like I was levitating off the floor or bondage table.

The first time I mummified a client I found myself drawn to the silhouette of the body encased in plastic. With his head covered, he was androgynous. He was completely helpless-not able to move, not able to breathe unless I let him, not able to see or hear. I turned him into an object-my plastic package of amusement. After cutting him out, he looked like he was being reborn. He slowly came out of his cocoon, blinked a few times, stretched and found new appreciation in the ability to move all his limbs. Once he drank some water, he described his feelings of floating and was amazed how long he'd been wrapped up.

Do we unconsciously seek out infancy and childhood comforts through our kink? Sometimes we do. Right now I look forward to exploring mummification in my favorite material-latex.

**This is another lovely image of play time with D from Miss Bee.

As negotiations progress, naturally some common questions come up. One of which is, "what is your style of Domination?" This is a question I often have a hard time answering.

I understand why this question comes up. The response to it is an important gauge of whether or not the submissive and I are compatible. After reading this blog, hopefully you'll understand why this is a difficult question to answer.

First, I believe humans are complicated creatures. We're full of contradictions. None of us tend to stay in one type of emotion for a long period of time. When we're stressed, we're feeling a lot of other things. Frustration, anger, and perhaps sadness are often felt simultaneously with stress. So...how can I come up a neat and precise answer to the "style of Domination" question?

To put it bluntly, I'm a complete sadist. I love to hear whimpers and howls of consensual pain. I love to see the look of apprehension and confusion during mind games and complex orders I give. Knowing that I'm leaving a lasting impression on a submissive creature by either the marks that will take at least a week to heal, or the mindfuck that just ended is what rocks my socks.

This leads me to my next adjective...I'm also nurturing. I make my slaves check in to make sure they're mentally and physically well after a heavy session. I try to inspire personal growth and catharsis when I play. Sometimes a breaking down of ego occurs. Other times my nurturing side comes out in some sort of teacher/student role play.

I can also be a cold, cruel, and heartless bitch. Some of my friends in the lifestyle have called me, "The Ice Queen". Variations of cold and cruel often come out when people least expect it. I don't like screaming and find other ways to put people in their place.

"Sensual", is not a word I often use to describe my personality, but just like anything else, I have my moments.

Playfulness and silliness can come out. I enjoy having a good and hard laugh every once in a while. It's therapeutic. If you can laugh with me and at yourself, that's even better. I enjoy making people do absurd things for my amusement. It's so rare that adults have a good laugh without a tinge of cynicism. Why can't BDSM play be just like playing when we were children?

If I had to pick one word to describe my style of Domination, it would be, "diverse". I enjoy keeping people on their toes. That's better than saying I'm a sadist-nurturer-cold-sensual-playful Domina! Embrace your contradictions and take a walk on the pervy side.

I touched base on this a little on my web board, but it's worth it to post here. After playing both professionally and personally for a while, scenes and sessions can get stale. With all the personalities I come across and deal with on a day to day basis, there have been times when I've thought about throwing in the towel-so to speak. Often, people aren't appreciative of the time you give, the planning you put into a scene or session, or are just plan rude.

When I think of what motivates me to keep playing and seeking out play partners, I come up with a few things. The light in a slave's eyes as she/he slips into sub space, the groans of pain mixed with pleasure coming from a masochist, but the most important to me is genuine power exchange.

If you think about it, genuine power exchange is rare. How often is trust built with another person-the kind of trust where you'd allow another person to have her way with you? Have you ever been able to walk into a dungeon or studio, fall to your knees and say, "do whatever your heart desires"? Could you do this with full confidence that your boundaries wouldn't be blatantly disregarded? Have you played without code words?

The time it takes to build up this level of trust can vary. Thorough negotiations are needed as well as the Domina's knowledge of your biorhythms. Some people just click as play partners. They know themselves very well, and can open up to infinite possibilities. There is no guilt or shame in their play time afterwards. They can just be in the moment...

As I grow as a person, I hope to help my play partners grow as well. I hope to play at this level more frequently in the future. Stating intentions is the first step...

When I first started working as an independent Pro Domina, I kept getting asked the same questions. One of the top inquiries was, "Do you have X piece of equipment or Y toy?" There's no problem with wanting to know if the Mistress has a wide enough toy collection to expand your horizons. Most of these inquiries were about medical implements.

After reading more about hepatitis A-E and HIV, I'm surprised more Doms don't insist on clients either bringing their own medical toys to session, or investing in an autoclave. In the past I've been told that pressure cookers are wonderful and cheap ways to sterilize sounds, speculums, and other metal toys. According to health practitioner standards and codes, this is NOT the case. In fact, it's one of the worst ways to try to sterilize something. Let's say you did a sounding scene with a slave. You didn't know it, but he had a subtype of hepatitis. Well, you throw the sounds in your pressure cooker to "sterilize" them and prep them to be used with another slave. At this point you've put the second slave at risk of contracting whatever your first slave has. That's not something I want to be responsible for.

So here are some reasons for investing in your fetish(whatever it may be):
1. The obvious health reasons. You know exactly where your toys have been. Read about the subtypes for hepatitis on the internet.
2. Your toys can be taken out to stir up some hot fantasies. You can relay them to your Mistress and be either punished for being so dirty, or rewarded for amusing her! :)
3. Whatever your religious association-or lack of one-I think our toys carry some of the energy from the experiences that have been had with them. Sometimes it's nice to have that positive energy near by when you're going through rough times.
4. Fit. It is impossible for a Mistress to have all the sizes of that rubber hood to do breath play with you, the proper fitting chastity device, the perfect fitting catsuit in either rubber or leather, or the correct size slave collar. For larger or smaller sizes, often things have to be custom made. We try to get an idea of the size of our slaves when ordering, but sometimes this doesn't work.
5. It shows initiative and dedication. In the past I've seen many novice dabblers who expect a rubber catsuit in their exact size. Do they end up sessioning often enough to validate that expense? No! Investing in your fetish shows a Mistress how serious you are. If you are serious about your fetish, chances are we'll want to spend time with you...i.e. more fun for all!
6. Travel. Many Mistresses travel to other cities. Obviously, a Mistress can't take her entire dungeon with her. Sometimes the space she rents from doesn't have that specific CBT toy that gets you weak in the knees.

For your health, safety, and blissful enjoyment, I hope you've given investing in your fetish some thought.

This topic has come up often in conversations and I've decided to be blunt about my views. I do not allow physical release in sessions. Period. There is no jerking off while I go and wait for you in another room. For those of you who are curious as to my reasoning and logic, read on. If choking your chicken at the end of a delicious scene is an absolute necessity, then we're not meant to play together.

Here are my reasons:
1. I feel that as a submissive male, you should not expect me to watch you masturbate.
You can expect that I will keep you on your toes, create a session that explores both of our interests, demands a lot of you, and tests your limits without crossing them. I do not enjoy watching a submissive male pump his joy rod. Even if you claim, "I find it humiliating, Mistress!" I will not change my way of thinking. There are plenty of other ways I can humiliate you while amusing myself at the same time. I've also heard the following: "but I'm paying you" or the notorious, "but I've invested a lot of money in you, so why can't I have release?" This is all a form of manipulation. My desire to play in the professional realm is not motivated by money. Do you want a power exchange? That is what you are paying for when you have a session with a Pro Dom. You are giving your power to a Dominant Female. In this case I make the decisions.

2. If you expect to masturbate at the end of a session, you are not truly submissive.
This point goes along with the first one. I play with submissive males and females. What you can expect is listed above. Power exchanges are thoroughly negotiated. How and where you ejaculate is negotiation for your vanilla sex partners. Ejaculation should not end play time and that is what ends up happening if you are motivated to submit by orgasm. Submission should come from a deeper place than that dangling piece of flesh between your legs. Consequently, I am the one in charge. I am the one that says play time is over:)

3. There are deeper levels of BDSM play and ejaculation ruins this possibility.
I have played quite a bit both professionally and in my personal life. The most intense and rewarding scenes and sessions have been ones that did not include ejaculation. These experiences have resulted in an emotional release. As a close friend once told me, "a really great orgasm can be remembered for weeks and even months. An emotional release is an experience that will stay with you for the rest of your life."
The way male anatomy is set up results in a sudden drop in energy level after ejaculation. To achieve higher states of consciousness and deeper levels of play, you need to keep the energy flowing through your body. A power exchange is also an energy exchange. We fuel each other and become synergistic.
I desire to play at a different level and choose partners who have open minds. Fakir Musafar talks about intense sensations and if you ejaculate, you can't transcend. This is mentioned in the book, Modern Primitives. I highly recommend this book to those who are into varying states of consciousness and body modification.

4. Ejaculating too much ruins your health.
Do you ever feel pain or heaviness in your joints around lunch time? How about cloudy vision? Does your sleep feel restful? To create ejaculate takes energy. If you're ejaculating frequently, you're draining a lot of your energy reserves. In Asian medicine, ejaculation is literally spilling your seed of life. As you ejaculate, you become more and more depleted which can have varying negative effects on your body. However, it is possible to separate ejaculation from orgasm. Orgasming without ejaculating circulates positive healing energy throughout your body and invigorates you. This takes a lot of practice. For those of you who are interested in this, check out the Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia.
Now, why do I care about this? Slaves, play partners, and clients who have high amounts of energy are more fun to play with and can carry out various tasks with ease. What use is a submissive who is too exhausted to carry out my commands? If you're fun, I want you to be healthy so we can play more often. Besides, during vanilla sex, you'll be able to please your female partners MUCH better, and who wouldn't want that? As a submissive male, pleasing females should be your top priority.

Here are some common misconceptions and rebuttals of my views:

1. I am anti-orgasm.
-If you read #4 above, you'll notice I'm very orgasm positive! Orgasms circulate energy and blood. They are also essential to health. Taoists have sexual positions to help certain ailments, and how wonderful is that? I believe that my sessions have a different value. By putting your body and mind into intense situations, you work different parts of your brain(the big one). You are forced to be 100% present in that moment. How much of your life do you spend wishing you were somewhere else doing something exciting? Too much. When was the last time you felt a sense of achievement that helped you get to know yourself better and explore new possibilities?

2. How do you end the session then?
-There are endless possibilities.

3. I am prude and have issues with male genitalia.
-Ha! If I had issues with male genitalia, I wouldn't enjoy CBT as much as I do! Someone who is prude wouldn't have a blog that talks about sex and BDSM.

4. Why should I pay to get beaten if there's no happy ending?
-Well, you're obviously not kinky or submissive so I wouldn't want to play with you in the first place.

5. As a Pro Dom you cater to men's fantasies. This includes their desire to jerk off at the end otherwise they won't have a good time.
-First of all, I do not "cater to a man's fantasies". I am not a service provider. I am in the business of power exchange which can include role play if I enjoy the roles. The people I play with share certain kinks with me. There are plenty of people who enjoy deeper levels of BDSM. When they are in their head space, ejaculation, and even orgasm, is the furthest thing from their minds. Submission and the head space that is possible are the driving forces to session.

Lately, I've been receiving many inquiries from novices. This is wonderful, as I enjoy training a "clean slate", but many of you boys need more information. So, from now on I'm going to direct novices to this post rather than rehashing the same stuff over and over again.

Ok, so you want to see a Pro Domina, right? There are things you need to do before contacting one. First of all, you need to know what your interests are and what you're hoping to get from sessions with a Pro Domina. I call this process self actualization or knowing thyself. As I've mentioned before, how can a Lady push your pervy buttons if you don't know what works for you? Do you hope to have some fun while acting out certain fantasies? Do you want to expand your pain threshold? Do you get off on serving a curvy rubber-clad woman? Ask yourself these questions. Determine the answers. If you need help understanding what certain activities are, do some research. Do not expect a Dom to explain all the abbreviations and lingo over the phone or through email. This is why we have blogs and people spend time making websites.
Here's a great start: www.prodomination.com

Now, that you've figured out your interests and intentions through reading books, websites, watching videos, jerking off, etc. what's next? Ahhhh...the research. Finding a Pro Domina is definitely a research project. If you spend the time and effort engaging yourself in this process, chances are you will have fabulous results. The biggest mistake I see males make is picking a Domina by looks only. At this point, I could write a book about all the mishaps and misunderstandings this course of action has caused people. Do not let your dick do the dialing. Sadly, there are many "strippers with whips" out there who have not spent time developing their craft. There are many websites with Pro Domina listings. You can even join message forums to see what other slaves say about "Goddess Likestotieyouup".

If you've found someone that seems wonderful, find her website. I cannot stress the following enough: READ HER WHOLE WEBSITE! Many of us have spent weeks, months, and even years fine tuning what our sites have to say. Trying to make sure we accurately state our protocol, interests, and portray what we do and do not offer takes a lot of time and energy. If you don't make the effort to read Her whole website, what does that say about you as a slave? It says you are lazy and don't care. Why would a Pro Domina spend the time and energy on someone who doesn't respect Her effort?

Another reason to READ HER WHOLE WEBSITE is because each Lady has Her own protocol for scheduling sessions. Due to location and a variety of other factors, We've found that some things work better than others. There are Ladies that work vanilla jobs, go to school, run other businesses, etc. Know that Our time is valuable. Follow Her protocol. I have spent a lot of time developing a client application on my site. The questions I ask are to gauge similar interests and if our personalities will match. I spend a lot of time emailing back and forth before I schedule a phone consultation and eventually a coffee/lunch outing. There is no way that I will speed up or change this process because you did not plan things out before visiting Chicago. Asking a Dom to change Her protocol to fit your needs/desires is a good way to be banned or ignored.

What happens next? There are so many things, my budding novice. One last thing before you're free to persue your journey...if you appreciate the time and energy your Domina has spent on you, giving a token of your appreciation is highly encouraged. Gift giving is another topic I will write about shortly. Until then, enjoy your risque research!

*This was originally posted on myspace. After consideration, I decided not to change anything. I do, however, want more feedback. Do you think this is clear? Do you have any questions for me? Feel free to join my discussion board at www.natalyasadici.com and discuss this post.

After meeting and playing with a variety of people throughout the years, I've gotten to know vastly different personalities. Some people are so open and honest that they're easy to read and have positive experiences with. Other people are discovering a new side of themselves through BDSM. Each play time is vastly new and broadens their horizons in both this floating world and the vanilla world. The scenes and sessions must proceed with extreme caution because we're traversing new territory. And then...there's the last type of personality. I'll preface this by saying there's nothing wrong with this type of personality, but I find it very difficult to deal with. When I was a new Domina, I had no clue what to do. With time comes experience, and I now feel better about encounters with what I'll call "seesaws".

"Seesaws" are people who have either dabbled a little bit with BDSM, never played before, or have played a lot. Most often "seesaws" will state interests and boundaries, but may carry a tinge of, "I don't know if this really works for me," in their voices. When playing with them their energy will be all over the place. You'll feel that you're getting somewhere and it's absolutely wonderful, then suddenly, his or her energy will shift and you'll just have to stop. In my experiences I've noticed no outside factors have changed. The temperature of the room didn't change, I didn't flog harder or softer, music has stayed soft and soothing, etc. What DOES happen is constant internal flux on the submissive's part. Why does this happen?

It happens because this person is either uncomfortable with his or her perversions or can't be honest with him or herself. Being uncomfortable with your perversions will give off completely contradictory energy to your play partner. On the flip side, if you can't be honest with yourself, how can you be honest with your Top? How can you tell your Top what may or may not push your hot and juicy buttons? You just can't. You won't know your intentions for persuing BDSM either. This is a big problem. If you pursue your "seesaw" course, this can be potentially damaging to your psyche. With honesty comes knowledge of not only interests, but your boundaries too.

I realize that it's difficult for most people to look inside themselves and see what they really want and what's there. If you got what you really wanted, well...what else is there? Do you feel a sense of pride in who you are? For some, BDSM can be a catharsis and an escape. Unfortunately, it can also be an escape from dealing with our problems and growing into a better person. A responsible Top will recognize the tell tale signs. But what can the Top do then? Depending on the precise circumstances, I will do one of three things: tell the submissive to make a definite decision on the course of training and make him or her state precise reasons as to why this is the best course, stop seeing the submissive altogether and tell him or her that he or she needs to be honest with him or herself before pursuing BDSM further, or without futher explanation sever all ties with the submissive. The last course of action I've persued with one particular person. In that case the submissive played mind games and became emotionally abusive.

Can "seesaws" actually become fulfilling play partners? I've seen it happen. There's a little story I'd like to share. Two years ago I had a male client who was a novice. He had found out about me through a class I taught. Our pre session negotiations where all over the place. He wasn't sure what he wanted to try, he'd say yes to certain suggestions, and then change his mind. Every sentence uttered was filled with stutters. At first, I wanted to tell him I couldn't play with him. Unfortunately I worked for a commercial dungeon at the time and I couldn't tell people no. We ended up having a few seesaw sessions together, but strangely enough, I enjoyed them even though they were difficult. At the end of each session, I'd tell him my exact thoughts about our playtime. My frustrations were clearly vocalized. I felt he was on the verge of an emotional growth spurt. The following session consisted of no play whatsoever. We talked for 45 minutes. It was wonderful. We had one more session after that and then he finally made a decision for himself! For a guy who went through life letting everyone make decisions for him, this was HUGE. He told me our sessions together taught him how to be more assertive in life, persue the things he wanted, and he felt he had to move on. I hope he's found the Dominant wife he decided to look for. So yes, "seesaws" can change.

I never trust anyone who says, "I don't have boundaries." Why? Because I feel that the person in question is either lying to her/himself or to me. Everyone has boundaries plain and simple. Here's an extreme example: would you eat my shit or murder someone for me? Obviously, I would never actually ask someone to do those things, but you get my point. There are certain things a submissive won't do, but there are also things a Dominant won't do. These sets of boundaries must be respected. After all, that's what separates BDSM from abuse...consent.

Let's start with the boundaries of a submissive. Every time a potential client or play partner contacts me I look at what she or he says about her or his boundaries. If there are specific things listed, I know this person has thought about the question and can communicate well. This gets tough with someone who has never played before or has limited experience. If she or he fesses up to being a novice right off the bat, I have more respect for her or him. There is a series of questions I will ask a novice taking her or his interests into consideration. Some of these questions are:
What are things you could never picture yourself doing?
Which activities would endanger your health, sanity, career, or relations with loved ones?
-the response to this question is particularly telling! I'll give the person a list of activities.
What activities seem exciting, but you'd be scared to explore the first time?

So...what happens when you start playing? I love playing on the edge, but I realize that it takes time to distinguish where that edge may be. If someone tells me they identify themselves primarily as a rubber fetishist, do I break out my single tail? The answer to this question should be obvious. In my experiences, submissives tend to open up more and ask about various activities after the first scene or session. I enjoy this because it's like a gift that keeps on giving. There's a level of trust that's established. There are certain oxymorons in BDSM-certain paradoxes. I love the idea of a slave that opens her or himself up and lets me do whatever I want. Here's the thing, we're all human. We have emotional baggage from past relationships, we can't be marked out of fear that a boss, doctor, or lover would see, we need discretion. I love the idea of the slave I mentioned previously, but I need to know something about the slave in question. Otherwise I may have her or him freak out during an intense humiliation scene. I enjoy hurting people who want to be hurt, but I don't want to harm them. Harm may never heal.

On the opposite end of things, Dominants have boundaries too. I won't engage in certain activities because I deem them unsafe,-i.e. permanent irreparable harm could result-I don't enjoy that particular activity, or I've reserved that activity for personal slaves. Protocol is a good example of a Dominant setting boundaries. Don't touch me unless I tell you to, don't speak unless spoken to, and don't arrive at the dungeon unclean! Every Dominant wants and doesn't want different things. It's a good idea to ask about protocol when playing with someone for the first time. How do you feel when a boundary is crossed? Think about how a Dominant feels when one of Her boundaries is crossed. It's upsetting. Do you want to play again with a Dominant who has just crossed your boundaries? Do you think She wants to play with you if you cross one of Hers?

In general, do some soul searching. Figure out what you will and won't do in play. Ask what your Dominant's boundaries and protocol are. Be firm in hard limits and boundaries. If you aren't, you're asking for a world of harm.