Why I play(thoughts on the emotional release phenomena)

**this photo was taken of me at the 1901 Gallery

Every few months, I find it important to reflect on what's going on in my life-look at where I've been and where I'm going. As the utterly slow shift from winter to spring occurs, I look inward and prepare for the expansive nature of spring and summer-times when I shift into high gear and try to do everything at once!

So, I ask myself, "why do I play? What is my consistent motivation? What do I want to see in and do with my play partners?"

In this sexually and emotionally repressed society, I think the role I have as a Pro Domina as one of therapist, mentor, confidant, and leader. Through the sessions and scenes I have, our encounters are intense, yet fulfilling. I often have the stance of, "breaking people down, to build them up." This is with regards to my theories on gateways.

No matter where you go, there are cultural and social norms and mores. In America, any sign of a genuine emotion, whether it's showing sadness, grief, insecurity, etc.; is considered a sign of weakness. We thrive on competition, dominance, and efficiency. It's difficult to cry on a train due to the loss of a loved one without feeling shame or embarrassment. So what do we do? We swallow our emotions and go on with our day. We create gateways to separate our emotions and keep ourselves from expressing them. Mores and norms are the padlocks that form to tell us when, how, and to what extent the expression of these emotions is acceptable.

Not opening the padlocks and our gateways can manifest in various ways. You can often tell by a person's posture, tone of voice, places where they carry tension, and the onset of unexplainable ailments that a person is holding onto something.

Remember when we were children and just played? We had fun, but now we have so many responsibilities and stressors! What is D/s and BDSM then? It's the adult form of playing and self expression. We dabble in fantasy, greeting it happily and sometimes fearfully, and get lost in it for a while. Though it's rare, an emotional release can occur.

Now, I haven't read much on this topic. Not much is written on it. I tried to discuss it a bit when I had my web board up. Many males mixed this up with the relief they felt after an orgasm. I mentioned that you'll remember a great orgasm for a few weeks or months at the most, but you'll never forget an emotional release once it occurs.

So, what is it exactly? It's difficult to pinpoint since it varies so wildly from person to person. Here's my best attempt at explaining what occurs. Imagine that while playing, your padlock is unlocked and your gateways disintegrate. There is no way of holding onto what's left inside. Your body is now able to express what was locked up for so long, though it comes out...it comes out in whatever way your body deems appropriate. Say goodbye to cultural norms and mores. Your being is thrusting out, and, in a way, forcing you to deal with all your baggage at once.

Does that sound horrifying? It can be. To be that vulnerable in the presence of either someone you don't know well or that you're very close to. An emotional release can come out as fits of hysteric giggles, crying, smiling from ear to ear, and more. It all depends on what you have going on inside. This is why it's so hard to explain.

What happens during and after this experience makes all the difference in the world. For those who don't know what an emotional release is, they can think either you've gone completely crazy or are being, "a baby". The best thing that can happen is that you play with someone who is aware of this, and can reassure you that you're not alone-that what is going on is ok. It's perfectly ok.

What happens afterward? You may feel euphoric, totally alive, or even drained. Again, this all depends on you.

How does this happen and why? For some, a deep level of trust must be developed in their play partner. For others it's putting themselves in a position of extreme danger. While playing, you are being forced to be completely in the moment-so much that your gateways can't stay closed. The mechanisms of inner locking just won't function. This causes your body to deal with what's being kept inside. There's no, "I wonder what she'll do next", thoughts in your brain. In fact, your brain may not be functioning in quite the way it normally would at all! (I'd like to do a study mapping the brain while an emotional release occurs. I'm curious as to what happens and if some other part of our brains is functioning that never does otherwise.)

This is why I play. This is why I'm a Pro Domina. I open people up to what's possible by breaking down their bad habits and the negative things people hold on to. Though, this will happen only if you're willing to let go. I can only train, but much of this journey is yours. I want to see you be present in every waking moment. I want to hear that you've become a better listener and that you've gotten a promotion in your job as a result. I want to hear that your relationships with others are better and more fulfilling because you are genuinely happy, and that you truly know what that feels like. I want to hear that you've decided to make changes in your life for the better because you're sick of walking through this world like a zombie or a puppet.

While I'm not perfect-and I would never say that I am-I consistently grow through these experiences. Do we have the same goals? Often, people come to me to fulfill fantasies, have fun, relax and escape. They may not realize the other benefits they'll have while continually playing. As Irene Boss says, "don't come to me to feel bad about yourself." There's enough negativity in the world.

Now you know why I'm so selective of who I play with. I'm very protective of my energy. Life is too short to spend with those who don't give a shit about your well being.