**this photo was taken of me at the 1901 Gallery
Every few months, I find it important to reflect on what's going on in my life-look at where I've been and where I'm going. As the utterly slow shift from winter to spring occurs, I look inward and prepare for the expansive nature of spring and summer-times when I shift into high gear and try to do everything at once!
So, I ask myself, "why do I play? What is my consistent motivation? What do I want to see in and do with my play partners?"
In this sexually and emotionally repressed society, I think the role I have as a Pro Domina as one of therapist, mentor, confidant, and leader. Through the sessions and scenes I have, our encounters are intense, yet fulfilling. I often have the stance of, "breaking people down, to build them up." This is with regards to my theories on gateways.
No matter where you go, there are cultural and social norms and mores. In America, any sign of a genuine emotion, whether it's showing sadness, grief, insecurity, etc.; is considered a sign of weakness. We thrive on competition, dominance, and efficiency. It's difficult to cry on a train due to the loss of a loved one without feeling shame or embarrassment. So what do we do? We swallow our emotions and go on with our day. We create gateways to separate our emotions and keep ourselves from expressing them. Mores and norms are the padlocks that form to tell us when, how, and to what extent the expression of these emotions is acceptable.
Not opening the padlocks and our gateways can manifest in various ways. You can often tell by a person's posture, tone of voice, places where they carry tension, and the onset of unexplainable ailments that a person is holding onto something.
Remember when we were children and just played? We had fun, but now we have so many responsibilities and stressors! What is D/s and BDSM then? It's the adult form of playing and self expression. We dabble in fantasy, greeting it happily and sometimes fearfully, and get lost in it for a while. Though it's rare, an emotional release can occur.
Now, I haven't read much on this topic. Not much is written on it. I tried to discuss it a bit when I had my web board up. Many males mixed this up with the relief they felt after an orgasm. I mentioned that you'll remember a great orgasm for a few weeks or months at the most, but you'll never forget an emotional release once it occurs.
So, what is it exactly? It's difficult to pinpoint since it varies so wildly from person to person. Here's my best attempt at explaining what occurs. Imagine that while playing, your padlock is unlocked and your gateways disintegrate. There is no way of holding onto what's left inside. Your body is now able to express what was locked up for so long, though it comes out...it comes out in whatever way your body deems appropriate. Say goodbye to cultural norms and mores. Your being is thrusting out, and, in a way, forcing you to deal with all your baggage at once.
Does that sound horrifying? It can be. To be that vulnerable in the presence of either someone you don't know well or that you're very close to. An emotional release can come out as fits of hysteric giggles, crying, smiling from ear to ear, and more. It all depends on what you have going on inside. This is why it's so hard to explain.
What happens during and after this experience makes all the difference in the world. For those who don't know what an emotional release is, they can think either you've gone completely crazy or are being, "a baby". The best thing that can happen is that you play with someone who is aware of this, and can reassure you that you're not alone-that what is going on is ok. It's perfectly ok.
What happens afterward? You may feel euphoric, totally alive, or even drained. Again, this all depends on you.
How does this happen and why? For some, a deep level of trust must be developed in their play partner. For others it's putting themselves in a position of extreme danger. While playing, you are being forced to be completely in the moment-so much that your gateways can't stay closed. The mechanisms of inner locking just won't function. This causes your body to deal with what's being kept inside. There's no, "I wonder what she'll do next", thoughts in your brain. In fact, your brain may not be functioning in quite the way it normally would at all! (I'd like to do a study mapping the brain while an emotional release occurs. I'm curious as to what happens and if some other part of our brains is functioning that never does otherwise.)
This is why I play. This is why I'm a Pro Domina. I open people up to what's possible by breaking down their bad habits and the negative things people hold on to. Though, this will happen only if you're willing to let go. I can only train, but much of this journey is yours. I want to see you be present in every waking moment. I want to hear that you've become a better listener and that you've gotten a promotion in your job as a result. I want to hear that your relationships with others are better and more fulfilling because you are genuinely happy, and that you truly know what that feels like. I want to hear that you've decided to make changes in your life for the better because you're sick of walking through this world like a zombie or a puppet.
While I'm not perfect-and I would never say that I am-I consistently grow through these experiences. Do we have the same goals? Often, people come to me to fulfill fantasies, have fun, relax and escape. They may not realize the other benefits they'll have while continually playing. As Irene Boss says, "don't come to me to feel bad about yourself." There's enough negativity in the world.
Now you know why I'm so selective of who I play with. I'm very protective of my energy. Life is too short to spend with those who don't give a shit about your well being.
So, the law that banned sex toy sales in Texas has been overturned! I wonder how many women and men in Texas actually knew about this ridiculously stupid law. Hopefully ladies are rejoicing in the bedroom...I'd like to see word of a dildo and vibrator parade to honor this jubilant overturning;)
Read more about this here:
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5j9nJAskGY86vOF-xXidS68Iw0glAD8UPQFCO0
I find inspiration in the most random places. One thing I've realized is that if I don't write something down, it will invade and violate all my thought processes until I do! Perhaps this is the double edged sword that comes with being an artist...
Consequently, I followed my instincts, wrote things down and now have over a dozen fresh ideas for videos and photo shoots to explore over the next few months. There are a few partners in crime I need to coax out of hiding...
I was very happy to see that Domina Betka Schpitz archived her writing. Dangerous Femme was a place I checked often to read her writing, see titillating photos, and direct novices to.
Here's a link I think everyone should read:
http://dangerousfemme.blogspot.com/2007/04/10-qualities-of-good-submissive.html#links
This is a list of 10 qualities of a good submissive. It was written by one of her slaves. Enjoy!
For those of you who know me, you probably already know my support of alternative healing modalities. Does "alternative medicine" really need to be an alternate, or should it be a viable option covered by our health insurance? I'll let you think about that question.
A loved one recently went to an "Immediate Care" clinic. She had hurt her shoulder and wanted to make sure nothing was broken or torn. (I find it a little ironic I had almost the same injury three weeks ago.) After signing in, she waited three hours to be seen. A nurse took her into a room, didn't ask her any questions regarding why she was there, then took her temperature and blood pressure. The nurse told her to go back into the waiting room.
Shortly after she sat back down, three more people entered the waiting room. One person was a woman with her son. The boy had the flu. The third person was a woman who nearly cut her thumb off at work. She was bleeding profusely-of course. Crazily enough, the boy with the flu was seen first! Doesn't that violate logic? There's a woman bleeding with the possibility of going into shock, hurting herself further, and maybe losing the ability to attach her thumb since so much time has passed, and you'll see a boy who you can't really do a whole lot for? Ugh.
As hour five approaches, my loved one finally gets an x-ray and is ushered into a room. She's told the following, "we don't think anything is broken. Here's a prescription for Vicodin. Ice it. If it doesn't feel better in five days, you should get an MRI." No muscle testing was done, no one would listen to how she was injured, and the woman with nearly no thumb was still waiting to be examined.
Now...what is wrong with this scenario? (this is asked sarcastically of course)
Contrast this with my experience. I injured my shoulder. I talked to licensed massage therapists, a naprapath, and an acupuncturist. Mind you, these are people I know and I didn't go in for a treatment, massage or session. i.e. I wasn't paying for their services. I was asked exactly how I injured myself, whether or not my pain was dull and achy or sharp and shooting, whether or not it referred down my arm, and many other questions. Multiple muscle tests were done to rule out what was damaged and what wasn't. I was given advice on how to take care of it-icing it wasn't an option unless I did that along with heat-and an intense massage. Though I felt nauseated during the massage due to the pain, I knew it was for a greater benefit. I was forced into a healing crisis! This means that my injury felt worse for about a day and a half, but then suddenly healed completely by day two.
I WAS NOT GIVEN PHARMACEUTICALS.
Perhaps the word "alternative" in alternative medicine means an alternative to shitty care? Though the phrase, "alternative medicine", isn't used much and is a bit outdated, I thought it was a fun little play on words here. The state of the U.S. health care system is horrible. My loved one wasn't getting treated in a ghetto, but in a fairly wealthy neighborhood. This shouldn't even matter. I believe everyone in this country should have access to reliable health care. I also think that anatomy classes should be required in school. You get a "users manual" with all your electronic equipment don't you? Well, who's giving out the manuals on how to treat your body so it functions in its optimal way? There's a lot of misinformation out there. Don't get me started on vaccinations!
I think the number one reason why I use alternative healing modalities is because they work. I'm not shoving chemicals into my body to cover up the root of my problem. Some of the things are not the most comfortable or attractive processes, but when the issue is gone, it's gone. The second most important reason is that I'm actually listened to. I've always thought it's important to explain histories of injuries, how long I've had a certain ailment, and what makes it worse or better. This information is strangely unimportant to most Western doctors. We're in an age where you need to take a pill to fix what another pill is doing to your body. This is ridiculous.
Just like you'd research a Mistress to session and thoroughly negotiate play time, you should find other options. Knowledge is power, but belief solidifies that strength. Your health is so important and needs to be valued. For those who are in my service know that I give them tips on how to take care of themselves. When you're healthy you can have more fun:)
Perhaps it's the cold weather that's been putting all sorts of rubbery mummification fantasies in my head. All of the following photos are from Demask.com. They have an amazing range of both rubber and leather! A few of my rubber outfits come from them, and the quality is amazing.
Imagine being lubed up, sliding into a rubber sleep sack...and then realizing there's more to come. As the sack inflates, you become more and more restricted. I love the shape of the body in this photo. If you add a hood, can you tell the sex of this person? Taking someone's identity away is so erotic.
Rubber, inflation, restriction, and a hood with a dildo? This keeps getting better and better! Deliciously deviant thoughts flood my mind...
Last, but certainly not least, is the photo to the left. If the rings on the side of the sack were strong enough, it would be wonderful to suspend a slave horizontally in this rubber dream. All sorts of nasty electrical devices could be hooked up to naughty bits...I've had my eye candy for today.
**Note: I don't own these sleep sacks currently. Hopefully in the future I will. If you'd like to make an extremely generous donation to my toy collection by purchasing these wet dreams, send an email to MistressNatalya@gmail.com!
I just had my web board shut down. My mailing list is now closed as well. This year is going to be the year of reorganization and simplification. As I mention in the note on the site, "my energy is better spent elsewhere". In the next few weeks I'll be doing multiple photo shoots to give the site a fresh look. I've been compiling and working on a large, "For Novices" area. With each new potential client, I find myself asking some of the same questions. Negotiations tend to take longer due to the fact that most people haven't thought about what I ask. Having an idea of what I will ask will make the process go more smoothly.
My goals are to have natalyasadici.com reflect my growth as a Domina, be an information source for novices and seasoned players, and be a titillating place to view unique FemDom content.
Everyone is welcome to post respectful comments on this blog. This will be my main source for announcements from now on.
**This is an older photo of Salome, me, and danimal. The variation of our expressions always fascinates me.
A few days ago I had dinner with a female play partner. We had the following conversation:
"When people ask me what the kinkiest thing I've ever done is...do you know what I tell them?"
"No, actually, I don't," I ran through our play time history and wondered what she'd say next.
"Mummification. That is by far the weirdest thing I've ever done."
I asked her why she thought that. It interests me when-as kinky people-we think something is weird. Yes, I do admit that seeing heavy rubber bondage and gas masks as a youngster both startled and excited me. Perhaps, certain activities make us feel weird-a word we use when we're not sure how to describe the feeling. In the case with my female play partner, I know it was a situation she never expected to get into.
As far as mummification goes, I have to say it's my biggest kink. My FPP's(female play partner's) question made me think of all the reasons I'm drawn to this activity.
When I wake up in the morning, I'm usually wrapped in a slew of blankets. During my slumber, I subconsciously turn over and over again-in a way mummifying myself for comfort. Although this makes the process of getting out of my soul sucking bed more difficult, I find comfort in being wrapped this way.
Think about it...when we're in utero, we're curled up like a ball and surrounded by supportive fluid. We get all our nutrients, exchange gases, and wastes this way. The placenta is our supportive wrapping in which we grow without hearing judgment, having deadlines, or other responsibilities.
Once we're born, and have to painfully take our first breath, we cry. We're uncomfortable...and what is the first thing nurses do? Teach our mother how to swaddle us-if she doesn't know already. Instead of supportive fluids, we have blankets. As we grow, I believe we find comfort in things that are strangely familiar to us. Mummification taps into this deep unconscious feeling of being supported.
When I switched, I always wanted to be mummified. No matter what else was going on, I found myself slipping into a meditative state. The slight rocking motion that occurred while other things were done to me put me into a deep parasympathetic state. Who knows how much time would pass, but at some point I felt weightless-like I was levitating off the floor or bondage table.
The first time I mummified a client I found myself drawn to the silhouette of the body encased in plastic. With his head covered, he was androgynous. He was completely helpless-not able to move, not able to breathe unless I let him, not able to see or hear. I turned him into an object-my plastic package of amusement. After cutting him out, he looked like he was being reborn. He slowly came out of his cocoon, blinked a few times, stretched and found new appreciation in the ability to move all his limbs. Once he drank some water, he described his feelings of floating and was amazed how long he'd been wrapped up.
Do we unconsciously seek out infancy and childhood comforts through our kink? Sometimes we do. Right now I look forward to exploring mummification in my favorite material-latex.
I just received the writing below. It's from a new slave who I'm working with to expand his boundaries. This gives a slave's perspective of both the negotiation process and our play time. It has not been edited.
"What if She never responds to my inquiry? What if She doesn't find me worthy Her time and attention? Did I answer all of the questions to Her satisfaction?" These are some of the questions I was asking myself after submitting the online application through Mistress Natalya's website. I really desired to serve Her the very first moment I saw Her pictures and read through Her website.
Some time later I was honored with a response from Mistress Natalya. She asked me further questions and also informed me of a protocol She requires of all new slaves. Before I could hope to session with Her, I had to pass a screening process consisting of email communication and a meeting in a public place. I found the process very educating. I learned a lot from this truly professional Disciplinarian through our email correspondence, including some things about myself. Even before I had the pleasure of meeting with Her face to face, I felt very intimidated by Her strong and very demanding personality. She was able to get me to confess all my desires, and to tell Her all the information She wanted to know about me. I also felt like I got to know Her during the process. I was really looking forward to our initial meeting.
That day finally arrived. I was very nervous and uncertain of how things would go. I was amazed when I saw this beautiful Woman with my own eyes. The feeling of intimidation that I had during our email communication only intensified when I was sitting in front of Her. Her sharp eyes were piercing through my skin as She could read my thoughts and my soul. I felt like I was melting and didn't know where to lay my eyes as looking directly into Hers seemed too dangerous. The words coming out through Her pretty lips sounded like firm commands, even during the moments we were talking about coffee or restaurant food. Mistress Natalya didn't even try to scare or intimidate me, but I just couldn't help this feeling while being around Her. She is a natural Female Supremacist and Disciplinarian, and I could sense it very intensively throughout the entire time I was with Her.
I was so happy when Mistress Natalya informed me later She would allow me to have a session with Her. The time between our meeting in the cafe and the first session was filled with anticipation and high anxiety on my part. At all times, I could hear Her voice in my head as She was talking about different aspects of BDSM, discipline, and humiliation. As the day of the session was approaching, I was feeling more and more nervous, and I was wondering what would happen to me in the hands of this strict beautiful Woman.
The day and the hour have finally arrived. I again couldn't believe my own eyes when I saw Mistress Natalya as She opened the door of the dungeon. Her outfit was a mixture of the old-fashioned taste of a strict Disciplinarian combined with sexuality and provocation: a black skirt at about knee length, a white not fully buttoned shirt, black high heel shoes, and stockings, each with a black stripe rising at the back. Even before Mistress Natalya spoke Her first words, I could smell discipline in the air; a punishment seemed unavoidable.
It was immediately made obvious to me why I was there. I was ordered to strip and to place my belonging in a basket. As Mistress Natalya took some of the clothing off me, She then conducted a very humiliating inspection of my body, including my ears, mouth, and most private parts as well. Mistress Natalya very quickly proceeded to the punishment. I was first disciplined in a standing position with my legs apart and my hands spread above my head. She combined it with one of my biggest weaknesses - nipple torture. Her metal devices were painfully tightening on my nipples in between the lashes She was administering to my body. As Mistress Natalya informed me at some point, the clamps eventually had to come off. It wasn't, however, in the way I was hoping. When She pulled the chain joining the clamps, I fell to the ground in agony.
Before I was ordered on a spanking bench, Mistress Natalya used a rope to make multiple knots along my body and to bind my hands behind my back. I couldn't believe how skillful Her beautiful hands were, working with the rope. A few times I dared to look at Mistress Natalya's eyes - She looked back at me with the same sharp eyes that intimidated me the first time I met with Her. She never smiled to me; She kept threatening me with Her dangerous cold eyes. When I was secured on the bench, the second - more intense phase of the beating began. A single tail whip and a cane left the biggest impact on my body and on my mind. Mistress Natalya purposely tied my hands in such a way that I had small room for movement. That was to see if I could control myself. I wasn't doing too well. Struggling in pain, my hands were wondering with attempts to cover my bottom cheeks and my fingers were whipped a few times. Mistress Natalya made it clear to me at the end that the severity of my punishment was far from the level that would satisfy Her. I realized that and had no choice but to acknowledge and accept the fact that during our next encounter my limits would be pushed much further.
It took me a good amount of time to return to my normal state of mind afterwards. My experience with Mistress Natalya had a huge impact on me and I know that things will not be the same as they were before I met Her. Our relationship will shape me into a male being of Her satisfaction, no matter how demanding, unpleasant and painful this might turn out to be for me. But I am ready and happy to please Her and take whatever She sees fit and appropriate for me. Thank You Mistress Natalya!
