rite of passage

When there are changes in my life, I like to mark them. Sometimes a new piercing or tattoo will sufice, but this time it didn't seem appropriate. At the end of this post I'll discuss my theory on rites of passage, but for now I'll type about the experience.

Hook suspension seemed like something I could never do, let alone openly talk about. All the photos I looked at online seemed so intense, and, of course, there's that fear of a hook ripping out of your flesh and resulting in a nasty plummet. I didn't think I could tell my brain to quiet itself, and wallow in the experience...but I had to try. A few months ago, I decided to pursue my education. Upon acceptance into a Master's program, I called a friend and set up the suspension.

The afternoon of the suspension I received an acupuncture treatment and had a massive energy readjustment. All of my apprehension of the suspension melted away. I was floating above the table with a sense of calm that I've never experienced. At that moment I told myself, you might scream, cry, and/or vomit, but whatever you feel and do is ok. Looking back, if I hadn't have done that, I don't think I could have gone up. Our minds are very powerful things.

While sitting in a chair, Jared and Micah marked my back for placement and started breathing with me. As I let out the third deep breath, two hooks were thrown into my back. It was excruciating! Forcing myself to breathe was difficult. Moments later, Jared and Micah started breathing with me...and two more hooks were thrown. Strangely enough, my endorphins weren't kicking in right away. Perhaps this was a result of the acupuncture treatment? I have no idea. Before I knew it, there was a banana and iced tea in my hands. After slowing drinking and eating, my endorphins kicked in. I was ready for the next step.

The hooks were carefully adjusted for tension, and I precariously started the walking process. Backwards and forwards, I slowly walked holding Jared's hands first, then Danimal's. Feeling the tension made me worry. Can I do this? I kept going and tried to keep breathing-letting the pain wash over me. Then...the difference between being suspended and being on the ground was millimeters. That was the most difficult part-letting go and relying on the hooks to hold all my weight. It took was seemed like hours for me to tell myself it was ok, and finally hang.

I was being pulled up slowly and then told to swing. It hurt and I kept wondering if I had reached the extent of my endorphin supply. You'd be amazed what goes through your head in these moments. Here's a list:
Holy shit, my soul is being ripped out of my body!
Did I drink too much water and iced tea?
Where did the rest of the room go?
There are bright colors everywhere!
I might have fallen asleep.
This hurts again, just breathe Natalya.
Did I just catch a glimpse of a past life?

After being let down, I felt an extreme sense of accomplishment. In that moment I knew that I can do anything I want to. There's no need to fear anything in this life. My personal journal entry of this experience is much longer and includes more personal things that were going on in my head, but I don't want to bare my complete soul to the world wide web.

My theories on rites of passage:
Long ago, when humans were still in tribes they had traditional rites of passage. Today, we would think of them as brutal, nonconsensual, and even insane. These rites often marked transitions from childhood into adulthood. Today, we have ceremonies like high school or college graduation. These hardly consist of altering the body, mind, and spirit. I remember sitting and listening to an annoyingly long speech and wanting to get my damn diploma. Did I feel like I had oversome a huge obstacle or accomplished anything in life after this ceremony? No. My transition didn't feel complete at all. No amount of writing or talking with loved ones could change that feeling. Traditional rites of passage tested the mind, body, and spirit. Before you could go on to the next phase of life, i.e. adulthood, you were put through this test. Afterwards, there could be a sense of accomplishment and completion. Today we have lost that test. I have a feeling that's why many people feel imbalanced. We haven't embodied life's transitions through ritual.

Now, I'm not saying that everyone should hang from hooks or tattoo their faces, but I think that performing our own personal tests or rituals is extremely important. We can embody the change and feel prepared to move onto the next stage of life. Changes such as starting school again, beginning a new career, or moving to a new place require some mental prep. Feeling imbalanced is terrible and doesn't aid in the smooth transitions we have in life. By stating this, I'd like to see personal rites of passage be more accepted. So far, my transition has been extremely positive.