the hardest thing...

...is to be yourself. Doing this involves: speaking your mind, being true to what you believe, and living your life to your own expectations. To all those that do all these things every day...I thank you. You're an inspiration to me.

I've often wondered why people stay in abusive relationships. Many people would view the BDSM and D/s lifestyles as abuse, and I'd say that consensual interactions are what separates our lifestyle from abuse. What I'm talking about is a bird of another feather entirely. In the past, I've helped many friends get out of abusive situations. I've also dealt with the aftermath of the breakups and have tried to steer people towards proper counseling.

But why stay? The answer I hear over and over again is that, "I'll be lonely". What's so bad about being alone? Staying in an abusive situation is much worse than any loneliness you'll ever feel. Believe me...I know from experience. Abuse isolates you from your friends and family. It can distort your views of both yourself and others.

The lovely wikipedia describes Stockholm Syndrome as, "a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger (or at least risk) in which the hostage has been placed. Stockholm syndrome is also sometimes discussed in reference to other situations with similar tensions, such as battered person syndrome, rape cases, child abuse cases and bride kidnapping." I've recently heard this terminology used in reference to emotional abuse. This was done by a friend's therapist. Lately, many of my friends have found themselves in emotionally abusive situations. Some have left and recognize the signs, while others are showing the "us vs. the world", mentality.

I was told that my relationships with people are extremely atypical. If you take out the kink component, I wonder what is so atypical about people being genuinely happy with each others company, not ever screaming at each other, dealing with anger in a constructive way, and accepting that not everyone agrees. Not everyone I know is screaming at the one they love because he/she has had a bad day, belittling their significant other because he/she worries about the other person's well-being, or threatening to run off after a disagreement. Don't we enter relationships because they make us happy and are fulfilling? Back to my loneliness question, why is it so hard to not be in a relationship?

I view my time when I wasn't in serious relationships as time well spent. It gave me time to focus on my personal growth, learn things I previously didn't have time for, and realize what I really needed in a potential partnership. The way I look at the world is, "life is too short to spend time with those who don't give a fuck about you." I realized at a very early age that I'd rather be alone than hang around negative people. You never know when your time on this plane of existence will end. Wouldn't you rather go out knowing that you spent time wisely with people that loved you-and loved you for the real you?

I view these negative relationships as perpetuating hate, anger, and frustration in this world. It is emotionally painful for friends and loved ones to be around any form of abuse. If you're currently in an abusive relationship, I hope you recognize it, and can find the proper help. Realize that those that are helping you may reach a breaking point if you don't leave. They may have to distance themselves from you now in order to help you more in the future. What are you doing to yourself and your loved ones by continuing this path?