As negotiations progress, naturally some common questions come up. One of which is, "what is your style of Domination?" This is a question I often have a hard time answering.
I understand why this question comes up. The response to it is an important gauge of whether or not the submissive and I are compatible. After reading this blog, hopefully you'll understand why this is a difficult question to answer.
First, I believe humans are complicated creatures. We're full of contradictions. None of us tend to stay in one type of emotion for a long period of time. When we're stressed, we're feeling a lot of other things. Frustration, anger, and perhaps sadness are often felt simultaneously with stress. So...how can I come up a neat and precise answer to the "style of Domination" question?
To put it bluntly, I'm a complete sadist. I love to hear whimpers and howls of consensual pain. I love to see the look of apprehension and confusion during mind games and complex orders I give. Knowing that I'm leaving a lasting impression on a submissive creature by either the marks that will take at least a week to heal, or the mindfuck that just ended is what rocks my socks.
This leads me to my next adjective...I'm also nurturing. I make my slaves check in to make sure they're mentally and physically well after a heavy session. I try to inspire personal growth and catharsis when I play. Sometimes a breaking down of ego occurs. Other times my nurturing side comes out in some sort of teacher/student role play.
I can also be a cold, cruel, and heartless bitch. Some of my friends in the lifestyle have called me, "The Ice Queen". Variations of cold and cruel often come out when people least expect it. I don't like screaming and find other ways to put people in their place.
"Sensual", is not a word I often use to describe my personality, but just like anything else, I have my moments.
Playfulness and silliness can come out. I enjoy having a good and hard laugh every once in a while. It's therapeutic. If you can laugh with me and at yourself, that's even better. I enjoy making people do absurd things for my amusement. It's so rare that adults have a good laugh without a tinge of cynicism. Why can't BDSM play be just like playing when we were children?
If I had to pick one word to describe my style of Domination, it would be, "diverse". I enjoy keeping people on their toes. That's better than saying I'm a sadist-nurturer-cold-sensual-playful Domina! Embrace your contradictions and take a walk on the pervy side.
I touched base on this a little on my web board, but it's worth it to post here. After playing both professionally and personally for a while, scenes and sessions can get stale. With all the personalities I come across and deal with on a day to day basis, there have been times when I've thought about throwing in the towel-so to speak. Often, people aren't appreciative of the time you give, the planning you put into a scene or session, or are just plan rude.
When I think of what motivates me to keep playing and seeking out play partners, I come up with a few things. The light in a slave's eyes as she/he slips into sub space, the groans of pain mixed with pleasure coming from a masochist, but the most important to me is genuine power exchange.
If you think about it, genuine power exchange is rare. How often is trust built with another person-the kind of trust where you'd allow another person to have her way with you? Have you ever been able to walk into a dungeon or studio, fall to your knees and say, "do whatever your heart desires"? Could you do this with full confidence that your boundaries wouldn't be blatantly disregarded? Have you played without code words?
The time it takes to build up this level of trust can vary. Thorough negotiations are needed as well as the Domina's knowledge of your biorhythms. Some people just click as play partners. They know themselves very well, and can open up to infinite possibilities. There is no guilt or shame in their play time afterwards. They can just be in the moment...
As I grow as a person, I hope to help my play partners grow as well. I hope to play at this level more frequently in the future. Stating intentions is the first step...
For those of you who'd like to hear my voice, ask me questions about sessions, enact a fantasy over the phone, or be verbally degraded, I'm going to be taking calls on Thursdays through Keen.com. My schedule is subject to change, so I suggest staying tuned in to my blog and Keen page.
***edit on 10/24/07 I decided to add a whole, "Phone Domination" page to my site. They include buttons to see if I'm available which directly link you to Keen. For those of you who are new to Keen and are interested in a phone session, email me. There's a special promotion where I can send you three free minutes. My email address is MistressNatalya@gmail.com
I love sex toys. My favorite one has been my hitachi magic wand. Everyone tells me that these are supposed to last for ages. I had mine for about five years. The other night I was playing away with my lover. Things were feeling quite lovely...then POP! A few sparks shot of of the toy after the noise. One of the sparks slightly scathed my lover, but I am ok. We were more shaken up then anything.
Sure this is pretty damn hilarious, but I hope no one else has had this issue. Things could have gone much worse. Maybe sex toys should come with expiration dates?
Here are a few shots from the Kinky Picnic shoot with Miss Bee and Salome. Why not have a picnic dressed in rubber?
I wasn't kidding about September...
Come out and give summer a death kiss with us!
*I'm not sure why the right side keeps getting cut off. If someone can help me fix this, I'd greatly appreciate it.
September, by nature, is an extremely busy month for me. This year is no exception. Be patient with me people!
On networking websites, we're asked to describe ourselves. On our own Professional Domination sites, we try to give potential clients an idea of our play style, interests, and personality. We have protocol set to attract the type of people we want to play with and deter those pesky "wankers" that try to eat up our time.
I'd say the following about myself: I'm understanding to a certain degree, but won't let people walk all over me; I'm an often blunt yet tactful communicator, I'm diverse and keep people on their toes, I'm always trying to learn something new, I expect those I interact with to be honest and treat me with respect, if I feel that's not being honored, I'm quick to sever ties with that person; I follow the philosophy, "life's too short to spend with those who don't give a shit about you", I get feelings about people and trust my gut, and few things shock or surprise me anymore.
My understanding nature has been really tested with regards to Professional Domination. I spend A LOT of time during pre-session negotiations. Why? Because even though you're going to be submissive to me in sessions, we're not in a 24/7 situation, therefore I respect your time and what you're looking for in a FemDom interaction. You should and have to give me the same respect. This has not been happening lately. Here are a few situations I've dealt with in the past few years as a Pro Domina:
1. A client who had seen me regularly for overnight sessions coming in high and attacking me.
2. Wankers leaving threatening voice mails on my cell phone. There are too many to discuss here.
3. My business partner refusing to pay me the thousands of dollars he owed me and then trash talking me on public forums.
4. A man waiting for me outside the dungeon and attempting to follow me home.
5. A regular client saying the following, "Since I've invested $X in you as far as sessions go, you owe me a nude session, a fuck, etc."
Wow! That's a lot of shit to put up with! Have you ever wondered why it's difficult to book a session with a Pro Dom? If you still do, read the section above again. If you're still clueless, you're of no value to a woman.
My aim in writing this is not for a pity party. It's for my readers to understand why I have my protocol and stick to it. Currently, my protocol requires a lot of back and forth with email and trying to schedule public meetings. I will NEVER book a session with you until we have a public meeting. Hours of my time are spent with you before we actually play and you pay a tribute! I think that's pretty damn generous. Do you get paid hourly at work? Or are you paid a salary calculating in the amount of hours of work expected of you weekly? How about bonuses and yearly raises? Here's some food for thought: The average tribute for a session with a Pro Dom has drastically DECREASED over the past twenty years, but the overhead for our business consistently INCREASES. My point is that we do what we do because we love it. Despite all our negative experiences and difficulties, we push on. We pursue other aspects of this business as well as other interests. This makes us very busy people.
My time has not been respected. I seek play partners and clientele who truly know the value of a Pro Dom and lifestyle player. I seek people who want to go on a genuine power exchange journey, not mere dabblers. I expect novices to do research on their interests and fetishes before contacting me for a session. As times change, I adapt my protocol to make things easier on myself and make sure I spend time with people who respect me.
With that said, stay tuned for changes in protocol. Since there has been an utter lack of respect lately, the newbies who want to spend time with me, will have to pay dearly for it. If you think this sucks, talk to the other males you know on forums, at clubs, meetings, and elsewhere to treat women better. All it takes are a few bad apples to make it harder on everyone.
When I first started working as an independent Pro Domina, I kept getting asked the same questions. One of the top inquiries was, "Do you have X piece of equipment or Y toy?" There's no problem with wanting to know if the Mistress has a wide enough toy collection to expand your horizons. Most of these inquiries were about medical implements.
After reading more about hepatitis A-E and HIV, I'm surprised more Doms don't insist on clients either bringing their own medical toys to session, or investing in an autoclave. In the past I've been told that pressure cookers are wonderful and cheap ways to sterilize sounds, speculums, and other metal toys. According to health practitioner standards and codes, this is NOT the case. In fact, it's one of the worst ways to try to sterilize something. Let's say you did a sounding scene with a slave. You didn't know it, but he had a subtype of hepatitis. Well, you throw the sounds in your pressure cooker to "sterilize" them and prep them to be used with another slave. At this point you've put the second slave at risk of contracting whatever your first slave has. That's not something I want to be responsible for.
So here are some reasons for investing in your fetish(whatever it may be):
1. The obvious health reasons. You know exactly where your toys have been. Read about the subtypes for hepatitis on the internet.
2. Your toys can be taken out to stir up some hot fantasies. You can relay them to your Mistress and be either punished for being so dirty, or rewarded for amusing her! :)
3. Whatever your religious association-or lack of one-I think our toys carry some of the energy from the experiences that have been had with them. Sometimes it's nice to have that positive energy near by when you're going through rough times.
4. Fit. It is impossible for a Mistress to have all the sizes of that rubber hood to do breath play with you, the proper fitting chastity device, the perfect fitting catsuit in either rubber or leather, or the correct size slave collar. For larger or smaller sizes, often things have to be custom made. We try to get an idea of the size of our slaves when ordering, but sometimes this doesn't work.
5. It shows initiative and dedication. In the past I've seen many novice dabblers who expect a rubber catsuit in their exact size. Do they end up sessioning often enough to validate that expense? No! Investing in your fetish shows a Mistress how serious you are. If you are serious about your fetish, chances are we'll want to spend time with you...i.e. more fun for all!
6. Travel. Many Mistresses travel to other cities. Obviously, a Mistress can't take her entire dungeon with her. Sometimes the space she rents from doesn't have that specific CBT toy that gets you weak in the knees.
For your health, safety, and blissful enjoyment, I hope you've given investing in your fetish some thought.
